We are part of an organisation called Cursillo, which helps christians understand their faith in a deeper way having weekends to share the love of God. I was helping on one and I gave a talk on Ideals. It seems right to include the gist of it here as it might interest my readers.

Let me share with you how I came to find and understand my ideals.

When I was a child my ideal was to get my own way – nothing new, as that is how most children think. They usually learn that is not possible. I was not so easily persuaded and by all accounts I was a little terror. I didn’t improve as I grew up believing I was always right making me an arrogant little madam. My dad was a headmaster so if what I wanted did not agree with what he thought was good for me I had no option but to accept his decision. I felt contained and controlled taking it out on my mum who was a much gentler character. I think you can guess whom I took after? My lack of self-knowledge didn’t help in my journey through life. I didn’t realise that what I gave out I got back. I was unaware of being bossy. It was everybody else’s fault, as they didn’t do what I wanted! I lost all my confidence and became very shy. I wasn’t getting what I wanted meaning my ideal was not being met. It was not till many years later that I discovered getting my own way was not good for me. There is no scope for growing which is something I certainly needed to do. It was only when I found something that was good for me and for others that a real burn started filling my heart. I began to feel life was worth living and that everything was an adventure. It was a long slow haul being plagued with depression and self- doubt.

I have come to believe that I never have to go through anything with which I am not capable of coping. My faith has certainly been tested to its utmost but somehow I have pulled through without realising how my Lord has been supporting me through it.

Although I don’t believe that God sent my challenges He certainly used them to make me grow, much against my will. The first that completely changed my life was when I went on a climbing holiday with my boyfriend now my husband. I fell 350 feet sustaining brain damage being unconscious for three weeks. There wasn’t any expectation of me ever coming round but I like surprising people so I regained consciousness. I began fighting to prove the experts wrong who said there was little hope in me ever walking again and not much chance of having children. After six years of struggle never giving up and always believing it will be done. I began to live a normal life marrying Ian the man who stuck by me all that time. We proceeded to have four children proving once again that the doctors are only human and can be wrong.

Throughout my life my ideals have matured and changed. From the unrealistic ideal of having my own way all the time to getting back to full health bringing up our children to have Christian values and a positive outlook.

I have discovered now my new ideal is to help others reach their full potential. How I wondered was I to do that? Nobody would listen to me being such a bossy boots. Then I discovered I could write. I have written my first book and have been told how inspirational it is having sold over 300. I have discovered such healing from this gift I have been given. Now I have finished my second and move forward with love and hope in my heart believing in everyone’s potential to climb their mountains as I have mine. If I can write a book and publish it without any experience just think what you can do! What is it that drives you? What really fires you up?

Go for your dreams and never give up.