Experiences and Growth

I have thought about writing my story for years, but I always felt I never had the time. Then one night everyone had disappeared upstairs to watch ‘the footy’, so as I felt like a bit of company I followed. I am not a real fan of the fine art of kicking a ball about. It doesn't do a lot for me; so I got to thinking about what I could do when everyone is upstairs 'goggling' the box. ……… I am beginning to get a feeling of urgency that will not let me stop. I realise that I will have to make a commitment to write every day ………I want to be able to help others gain the self-knowledge that I have found so helpful in my life. That doesn't mean to say I have arrived, as the more I learn about myself the less I seem to know and the more excited I feel about what potential there is within me or in fact what potential there is within every one of us.

This got me thinking how things have changed and how much knowledge I have been taught by circumstances; how much quicker I would have learnt if I had had an open mind and been willing to change my opinions without so much of a fight. I think I could have been called dogmatic, domineering and rather forcefully direct, not willing to suffer fools gladly!

I may be wrong, I often am, but I believe the way of change is a long process. I couldn’t grow unless I wanted to be different and I was quite happy with myself as I was. Until I realised I might have a better chance of getting what I wanted if I allowed others to disagree with me with an acceptance of their point of view. Humility had to be the order of the day and a willingness to learn from other people’s opinions and knowledge. My belief that I was always right had to be relinquished. It would be better for me and it would certainly benefit other people!

I began to think back to how I felt as a child -contained and controlled - probably because my dad, who was a headmaster, had to be obeyed with no argument. My mum told me I always used to reject the hugs I needed. I remembered the lack of physical contact as something that was never offered. It really shows how a child’s perception can be so distorted, not willing to take responsibility for my own actions but apportioning the blame to another.

Being a rebel at heart and knowing I couldn't get away with anything with my dad, I think I took it out on my mum as she was a much more easy going person…………     read more extracts